Today I want to talk about the question was my Christianity a high control religion? I will go over a little of my church history and talk about what defines a high control religion and how it is damaging.
I was listening to the audio book “When Religion Hurts You” by Laura E. Anderson. She talked about HCR’s. An HCR is a high control religion. This term is often used with radical cults and is of course, correctly used there. But evangelical Christian churches fall into this as well. The degree of control varies from church to church, but also varies within the believers in the church. Those who we referred to as “Sunday Christians” would have experienced little control as Christianity was seen less of fully immersive belief system and they were presumed to not adhere to the doctrine and rules when away from the church. Some Christians are glad for the high control. Having a guideline to life, behaviour and after life is reassuring to many. The more the church, belief and traditions can control you, the less responsibility and decisions you need to make for yourself.
Here is one definition of a high control religion.
“A high-demand, high-control religion is a faith community that requires obedience, discourages its members from questioning its rules, principles, and practices; expects subservience and loyalty; discourages trusting relationship outside the group; perpetuates the notion that those within the group are right and superior to those outside of it; promotes extreme or polarizing belief; and expects its members to suppress their authentic selves in exchange for the sense of belonging and security the group offers.”
Another way of looking at whether a religion is authoritarian or high control, is to look at whether it has authoritarian leadership, control over members and a rigid belief system. I have used this list from meganvonfricken.com.
Let me start by looking at my church history. We did not attend extremely fundamental, conservative churches. We never needed to wear head coverings or as women always wear dresses (aside from a private Christian school I attended for a short time). We were allowed to wear make-up but somehow never learned to dance. Christian music and not secular was recommended Movies were ok, but choose wisely.The churches were caring. The pastors were kind, humble and good men and women. This sounds pretty ideal, and I truly felt it was while I was in the faith. But looking back I can see issues that controlled and harmed me and are harming others. Let’s look more deeply at the beliefs and teaching.
Authoritarian Leadership. As I mentioned, the pastors in my churches were humble and caring people. They didn’t have ultimate authority, they answered to elders. The elders weren’t there to be authoritarian, they were there to keep the church following correct Scriptural doctrine and behaviour. The churches were guided by conference guidelines and statements of faith. So who was the authoritarian leader? God, and the words of God which is the Bible. We were asked to learn, love and follow God and the Bible which showed us God. The Bible, which taught about God and was inspired by God, was the practical authority. The Bible was interpreted within the guidelines of the denomination and church. Having a different interpretation of the Scripture from the leadership was not easy. Whether it was if women could be sole pastor or whether LGBTQ2S+ were sinning or even whether God still speaks today could get you labelled a heretic. Church splits are frequent over differing interpretations. God is the authority. Christians give their lives to Him, submit to Him, worship Him and trust and obey Him.
Control Over Members. Control comes in different ways. All of it is based out of how Scripture in interpreted. Let’s look at a small sample of verses to see where the control comes from: Thoughts: “Finally, brothers and sisters, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable-if anything is excellent or praiseworthy-think about such things.” Phil 4:8 NIV What a Christian thinks needs to be controlled. Doubts: “But when you ask, you must believe and not doubt, because the one who doubts is like a wave of the sea, blown and tossed by the wind.” James 1:6 NIV Again, this is controlling your thoughts and concerns. Childlike faith: “Truly I tell you, unless you change and become like little children, you will never enter the kingdom of heaven. Therefore, whoever takes the lowly position of this child is the greatest in the kingdom of heaven.” Matt 18: 3-4 NIV Another way to control is to value childlike faith, which doesn’t question, over the potentially critical approach of an adult. Behaviour: Read Titus 2 which includes behaviour for older and younger men and women and slaves including self control, loving, pure, etc. There is a lot of control listed here. Speech: “Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen. And do not grieve the Holy Spirit with whom you were sealed for the day of redemption.” Eph 4:29-32 NIV Controlling your speech is important. Modesty: “I also want the women to dress modestly, with decency and propriety, adorning themselves, not with elaborate hairstyles or gold or pearls or expensive clothes. I Tim 2:9 NIV Controlling appearance. Learning about other views” “But there were also false prophets among the people, just as there will be false teachers among you.” 2 Pet 2:1 NIV The message here is to avoid these people and teachings. This helps avoid heresy and becoming an exChristian. We were also encouraged to not be unequally yoked to avoid being influenced by other views. Fear: “So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you’ I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.” Is 41:10 NIV Controlling your emotions includes not feeling fear. Anxiety: “Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.” Phil 4:6-7 NIV Not allowing anxiety is also a way to control. Anger: Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonour others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs.” 1 Cor 13:4-5 More controlling emotions here. Obey: “Jesus replied, ‘Anyone who loves me will obey my teaching. My Father will love them, and we will come to them and make our home with them.’” John 14:23 NIV Control by demanding obedience. If you aren’t following these things, then you are not living a Christ-like life, you do not really love Jesus. Scripture and Christianity controls the lives of believers. If you believe in the religion, it is welcome control. Once you are free from the religion, you see it as the control that is damaging. There is a lack of freedom in Christianity to make your own decisions about your behaviour, what you learn, how you feel and even what you think.
A Rigid Belief System. Every Christian church and education system I was involved with taught that the only way to God was through Jesus Christ. If one wants eternal life, then you need to accept, confess and believe. Those who don’t believe go to hell while those who do go to heaven. Those outside of the faith are inferior, misguided, heretics and dangerous. You can see the difference between us and them, the believers and unbelievers, the church and the world. The understanding that the church’s way is the right way. Black and white thinking between holiness and sin brings separation. The doctrine is clear and defined and differences of the basic beliefs aren’t easily accepted, or are argued vehemently. Thus, globally there are 45,000 different Christian denominations. Small changes can happen in the periphery, some evolution perhaps, no rapture, women in leadership and other teachings. But straying from Jesus as the only way is a problem.
All of the churches I attended had these three characteristics. They had God as ultimate authority. Through Scripture they controlled their members. The belief system was rigid and defined causing separation of believers and unbelievers. When people refused the control, there were polite suggestions of perhaps a different church would suit you better. Or, there were requests to please stop causing division in the church by talking about these things. I remember suggestions made to members to please dress appropriately. We were all encouraged to not be Sunday Christians, but to make our faith complete every day in every way. I was in a high control religion.
So what does it mean to come out of a high control religion? It means there is lots of work to do in figuring out how my beliefs have affected how I think, feel, make decisions and view the world. It means that I need a way to heal and discover myself in a new way. Many churches were more controlling than the ones I come from. My churches seemed less controlling in many ways, but the core of evangelical Christianity is controlling in the ways I have listed. Is all control bad? For many, they would say no and they love their faith and beliefs. For me, I am loving the freedom from the control and have no desire to go back.
Love from,
Val Martens
April 19, 2024
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