Today I am sharing random thoughts about my deconverting and other stuff.
I will talk about this blog and what I imagine some of you think as you read this. I'll talk about what if I am wrong and a little of this and that including plans for the future.
Blog Thoughts/Regrets
Sometimes I wish I had written all my blogs and then gone over them to edit them carefully as a group. Am I consistent, organized and clear? I'm sure I'm not. There are so many assumptions that the church has hurt me (not seriously) or that my experiences were awful (they weren’t) or that I am must have experienced some kind of abuse and trauma from church (minor). I’ve tried to make it clear it wasn’t all that, those were just pieces of a puzzle. My writings are an honest look at what life is like for me as I have deconstructed and deconverted.
Website thoughts When I made the website I called these “articles” as the word “blog” has never been a word I’ve liked. However, blog fits better so one day I will be brave and attempt to edit the site without ruining all my links! It’s a learning challenge making a website. Technology is something I both enjoy and despise!
Random Thoughts on How I’ve Been Formed. Through this deconstruction time and these blogs I have been exploring the application of how Christianity and theology has formed and molded me. The daily life practice of being a Christian has made me who I am. Some of those values, shared by many humans of different and no faith, are amazing. The values of love, gratitude, giving, sharing, caring, etc. They are a strong part of my heritage and I keep those. They are what make us good humans but aren’t unique to Christianity. There are ways I have been formed and molded by being Christian that I don’t like. They need deconstructing including my self image, my views of others and how I have judged them, my views of other faiths and my ideas of sin and hell.
I don’t have a creed or theology. I used to, in fact by the time I left seminary, it was summarized nicely and I believed it. Now I no longer believe what I used to. I have in face deconverted. Which means, I no longer consider myself a Christian. I won’t argue theology and compare where i am right and you are wrong. I have no desire to do that. I won’t use Bible verses to prove my points as I no longer see the Bible as inerrant and authority. I will, however, occasionally use verses to show what I used to believe.
I’m Not Trying to Deconvert Others My desire has never been to deconvert anyone away from Christianity. I want to be a safe place to go IF you have questions or doubts or confusions. The church is often silent or silencing when given those doubts. People deconstructing are often lonely and confused. I want to be there for them and I will keep saying that. I want to assure people that you won’t become a worse person or evil person if you deconstruct. In fact, you may grow to like yourself a lot better and become a more loving, caring member of society. Considering My Pastor and Professor Friends I imagine my pastor friends, and there are quite a few of you, have been reading my posts and finding great examples and fodder for the next sermon or series. I am guessing pastors are searching my words for reasons why this happened so they can stop it from happening to others. I imagine my seminary profs reading this and picture them shaking their heads and wondering if I have forgotten all they taught me then pulling out their red pens to start correcting. I got that wrong and that and that and where is my proof and citations?? And that is ok. These aren’t papers, I am sharing my thoughts, experiences and concerns. None of my pastors or profs have led me astray or caused me to take this path. It was my own desire to learn and grow that brought me here. I thank them all for helping me learn and grow as a Christian and wish them well as they continue to learn and grow. Why Do You Read These? Whether you give me a A+ for courage or an F for leading others astray is your choice. Let me ask you something, and I would love responses, why do you keep reading these? Are you looking for flaws in my reasoning? Do these scare you? Intrigue you? Are you shaking your head and saying she’s daft and never would I go there! Or are you searching and finding a sense of comfort knowing that if Val survived and is happy then maybe I will too. Maybe you just know me and like me and are curious. If so, thanks, I like you too! Whoever you are, wherever you are in your journey, may you find peace and joy.
What If I Am Wrong?
What if I am wrong? Well. I’ve been wrong before and apologized and spent time learning and growing. If I read and learn and decide I am wrong now, I will apologize and learn and grow some more! I’m not worried about going to hell as I honestly don’t think there is such a thing. What if you are wrong? What will you do? Does that worry you?
Am I Over-Reacting?
Some who reject Christianity can become fanatical. They respond with exalting atheism or whatever new path they choose. I realize all my written processing is reactionary to my change in thinking. I also would guess what I am thinking and writing these weeks may be different in a year or more. I’m processing emotions. I’m processing change. You don’t see all my anger or grief, just glimpses of them. I have several posts that would be too hard to read for some of my loved ones so I won’t be posting those at this time.
Things I Am Working on this Fall
I have outlines for another 5-6 blogs on deconstruction/deconversion. Topics include Grieving my Faith, What I Am Learning about Atheism, My New Identity Post Christianity, Reconstruction after Christianity and Effects of a Childhood in Christianity. I’m looking at making courses on Grieving My Faith and Being a Peer Mentor (title likely to change) and possibly one on Deconverting. Also planning to rework my art website (www.validart.ca) and get more pics of my painting on my social media pages. I would love to make some money. I’ll also do more reading and learning!
Books I am Currently Reading or Just Finished:
Godless by Jim Palmer Written by a former pastor and now atheist. Very helpful.
Wayward by Alice Greczyn Her story of growing up Christian and the effects on her life. She started DaretoDoubt.org
Project Hail Mary by Andy Weir. A great science fiction read. So good!!
My Journey to Heaven by Marvin J Besteman. A Christian tells his story of a near death experience and being in Heaven. Recommended by my mom and want to keep reading both “sides” and be challenged. Wasn’t convinced. Am learning lots about NDE’s though.
The Midnight Library by Matt Haig. Fascinating fiction of someone offered options of living an alternate life based on different choices. Thought provoking.
Upcoming books are Yumi and The Nightmare Painter by Brandon Sanderson, Outgrowing God by Richard Dawkins, and Misquoting Jesus by Bart D. Ehrman, Out of the Embers by Brad Jersak and Another Gospel by Alisa Childers.
Random Questions For You
What do you want to hear about?
What should I make for supper tonight?
Have your beliefs changed in the last year or two?
What’s stopping you from changing your beliefs?
Want to hear some jokes?
Some Jokes for You
Did you hear the one about…
…the shepherd who drove his sheep through town and was given a ticket for making a ewe turn?
…the nurse who was chewed out by the doctor because she was absent without gauze?
…the crustacean accused of promoting his own shellfish interests?
(Readers Digest Issue: January 1980)
A thief broke into my house last night looking for money.
So I got out of bed to look with him.
I just burned 2,000 calories.
That’s the last time I leave brownies in the oven while I nap.
Another wooden ball!!!
Would it kill the makers of avocados to put a different toy inside??
I have like 12 already…
I just watched a commercial for a wireless bra and I have to be honest right now, I never even knew that they needed to be plugged in…
Due to the current economic situation, I've decided to start a dating site for chickens.
It's not my full time job.
I'm just doing it to make hens meet.
It's hard to explain puns to kleptomaniacs because they always take things literally.
(found from @mariana057)
Thanks for reading my Random Thoughts on Deconverting and Stuff.
Want to chat informally with me about your experiences? Email me, message me or let's go for coffee. I'd love to hear from you.
Read My Faith Deconstruction Story here. More articles are found here
Join My Deconstruction Journey FaceBook group here if you are in the process and want a safe, private and caring place to talk about what is happening.
Interested in being coached regarding deconstruction, grief or other concerns? Let me know.
Want to see more of my art or interested in purchasing some? Check out ValidArt here.
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