People have different reasons for faith deconstruction. I want to go through some of these reasons with you. For many, including me, there is not just one reason for deconstruction, but a variety of reasons. It is never as simple as ‘they quit going to church’ or ‘they stopped reading their Bible.’
1. Some deconstruct because of pain and trauma inflicted on them by leaders of a church, members of a church, or family members who proclaim faith but don’t live it. The trauma may be physical, emotional, spiritual or sexual. Leaders may be manipulative or use guilt or gaslighting on the victim of the abuse. When the victim goes for help they are told they are the ones in the wrong and they need to submit, obey or repent. God may not answer their prayers for relief from the pain. Getting away from this religion is a logical step for the person in pain.
2. The church that calls homosexuality and non-conforming gender a sin is another reason for deconstruction. Why would God allow/create a person to be LGBTQ when it is a sin? Many 2SLGBTQIA+ are rejected at their very core. Deconstructing is not a surprise.
3. In the last years, Christianity has become very political, especially in the USA. Canada as well is seeing Christians speak strongly in political conversations. Those who don’t want to identify with this nationalistic Christianity are backing away from religion or redefining their spirituality so as not to be identified with those causing harm. Fundamentalist hateful attitudes toward others perceived sins, LGBTQ, abortion and other issues push people away from the faith.
4. Some people, as they grow in wisdom and knowledge begin to think critically about what they believe and have been taught. When they stop blindly believing all they are taught, with blind faith that all is correct, they look deeper and find issues they can no longer ignore. For some it may be in learning more about loving our neighbours, for others about taking care of the earth, and for others a deeper understanding of science. Critical thinking and a search for dissonance in beliefs leads to deconstruction.
5. A study of Biblical fundamentalist doctrine leads others to deconstruct. Why would God sacrifice His Son? If it’s because He loved the world, why can’t he save them all? Why create mankind knowing so many would go to hell? What about the moral difficulty about believing in hell and of many of God’s actions? Why does God need our worship and devotion? Why can’t women lead or teach? Why are women required to submit to men? Why are all other followers of all other religions wrong and we are right? Do we really have no chance to repent after death? If slavery used to be fine and now we see it as a sin, and divorce used to be a sin and now we see it as sometimes acceptable, what else should change and why isn’t it changing? Why do we emphasize some verses and ignore others or carefully explain them to fit our theology? Why do we make whole doctrines and teaching out of a few disconnected verses (ie the rapture or original sin)? How is it you can prove contradicting beliefs using different Scripture verses (Calvinism/Arminianism)?
6. Misogyny, patriarchy, sexism, and purity culture has also pushed people away. The disciples and God and are all male, women are seen as the temptress and need to be controlled and silenced. Many girls have been blamed when assaulted sexually because they were not modest enough or drew male attention in some way. Boys will be boys but girls better be pure was the message heard.
7. Disappointment in Christian life is a real issue. The promise of abundant life, peace and joy are hard to find. The guilt of not finding these promises comes when you are told to pray more, have more faith, memorize more Scripture, etc. Why do I still experience anxiety, depression and fear? Many in the church perpetuate stigma against mental health issues. Medication or counselling are frowned upon. Emotions are suspect, whether positive such as passion or negative like anger. Issues are spiritualized or dealt with by prayer and laying hands which leads to a temporary relief while not dealing with the root issue. Prayer time can also deliver harsh accusations blanketed in care. The promise of being saved from harm now and in the afterlife is one that is problematic. When harm happens, and it certainly does through accidents, health issues, money or relationship issues the question is why? We are often taught never to ask why. The answer of ‘God is teaching you a lesson’ or ‘so you can comfort others’ does little to bring comfort.
8. Disenchantment with Christian community is another of the reasons for faith deconstruction. Some church goers find their group of people who are there for them, a small group that becomes good friends, but many are left on the periphery, wondering why they never fit in. Churches frequently have arguments over music styles, use of the building, doctrine, etc, etc and there are always people hurt in these battles.
9. A journey of self discovery leads some to deconstruct. Everything a Christian needs comes from outside themselves: security, safety, decision making (God’s will), wisdom, strength, love, etc. All one needs to do is submit to God and these are His gifts. Worth and value are based on being a redeemed child of God. You cannot trust your own heart or your own mind. Self reliance is dangerous and leads to destruction and pride. When one begins to see there is more to me, potential, gifts, wisdom, talent and decision making abilities for example, they begin to wonder if there is more to learn about themselves outside of the faith system.
You may have legitimate reasons to stay within a church community and your beliefs. It is also legitimate to ask these questions and follow your journey whether to a deeper faith or to a deconstruction of that faith. Let’s not judge each other on our journeys but rather listen to each other, learn from each other, and be supportive and encouraging.
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