Suppose you are dealing with anxiety and depression. Things have been getting progressively worse over the last months. You feel so overwhelmed and discouraged but you head to church, hoping for a relief of the darkness, sure that God will meet you there. A few people say hi, but no one asks how you are doing. You avoid eye contact, too weary to engage. You head for a back pew and sit alone. Opening remarks are made welcoming all and music begins. The songs reflect heartfelt cries of how God is enough and how much we need him. Your heart tightens as still feel battered and broken. The message is clear through the morning, God is enough. We only need to reach out to Him and He will answer the cry of our heart. You cry out to God. Please!! Help!! I can't do this. But there is silence.
After the service you look at the prayer corner. Maybe this will be the key. You head there and explain haltingly how you are feeling. The kind prayer team ask if they can anoint you with oil and put their hands on you. You agree and then they begin to pray. God is praised as healer. God is reminded that He is enough and the petition is made that you would open yourself to Him and be healed. You breathe a little quicker waiting for this healing touch. The prayer ends and the prayers look at you with hopeful questioning gazes and ask how you are doing now. You don't want to disappoint them so you reply that you are better, praise God, and thank them. You go home, defeated.
Churches generally don't deal well with mental health. In fact, they do more harm than good. How do Christianity and the church harm our mental health? They are largely silent on the issue. Pastors aren't trained on the subject and most likely don't know the different mental health diseases or how to be trauma informed. They teach Jesus is enough. He heals, brings peace, joy, hope and all we need, so why would we need a therapist or counsellor? They listen with the intent to fix or to explain away the struggle. For those struggling more seriously, they may be sent to an organization that prays healing and spiritual freedom over people. Mental health is ignored, trivialized or spiritualized and the stigma of having mental health disease grows. Prescriptions are regularly discouraged.
Spiritual bypassing is when mental health issues are denied due to the belief that is issue is spiritual. The issue may have arisen from an attack from Satan, sin in your life, lack of faith or lack of effort in your spiritual disciplines. If you pray enough, trust more, read your Bible more, repent, then the issue would be gone. Or we are told suffering is spiritual. Romans 5:3-5 shows how it produces perseverance, character and hope while James 1:2-4 tells us to consider it pure joy when we face trials. So one should be thankful for that depression and joyful when anxiety overwhelms us. We are not encouraged to seek professional help, find the underlying issues and heal through the hard work of identifying the grief, anger and trauma in our past. Pastors offer spiritual help but are very rarely equipped to offer the counselling help needed.
When someone experiences trauma, they experience deep pain. The pain is loud and overwhelming and in order to cope with life, one needs to silence the pain. The best method, of course, is to find professional help and therapy. Many though, try to silence the pain through alcohol, smoking, drug abuse, gambling, promiscuity or pornography. The pain leads to depression, absenteeism, job loss, financial problems and suicide. The behaviours that help the person in pain cope with life are called sin by the church. The suffering person is told to repent and stop the sin. Placing repentance and forgiveness before healing can cause further damage. Those suffering may be prayed for, scolded, and held accountable. Temporary relief may be achieved, but the root issue is not addressed and the pain returns.
Much damage has been done to victims of physical, emotional and sexual assault and abuse within a church. The abuser is frequently known and loved and therefore can't be guilty, while the abused is accused of making it up, exaggerating or blamed as the cause of the abuse. Accusations of the clothing the victim wore, lack of submission and respect or 'leading them on' are frequently made. The victim is told to forgive the abuser and when they can't are told it is their unforgiveness causing their pain, and not the abuser. The victim is silenced or driven out and the abuser remains. Many church leaders have no idea how to help the victim, how to believe them and keep them safe. They have no training and little desire to get it. The goal is to keep the church well thought of so hiding the abuse is of paramount importance.
Churches unknowingly applaud the effect of unmet childhood needs. If one is always looking for approval and love, then always saying yes and serving are a way to find that elusive feeling. The church member that serves everywhere and anytime is highly valuable in a church. The longing for a feeling of belonging and the desire to please may show a deep need for healing from unmet childhood needs. If they begin to say no, they may be shamed for no longer loving God enough, or simply ignored.
Feelings of shame are common in Christianity. I am worthless, unlovable, not enough, flawed and tainted. That is why I don't have abundant life with all the fruit of the spirit. One may think they deserve hell for doubting God, for not being enough or because of their sexuality. Our little voice reminds us how unworthy we are and the answering voice says you need to know this to show you how much you need God. We are told to not worry, to not fear, and don't be angry. The strong 'negative' emotions are not part of real worship or blessing. We are reminded to take our thoughts captive and lean not on our own understanding. So when the worry, fear, anger and thoughts persist we feel guilty that we haven't conquered these base emotions. We judge ourselves and are judged by others as less mature. This contributes to mental health struggles.
Our inner turmoil is interpreted as conviction from the Holy Spirit and we are urged to keep trying, keep repenting, keep praying and do those spiritual disciplines. Those with who are struggling with mental health diseases will find the spiritual disciplines traumatizing. The silence of prayer and meditation or solitude brings the pain to the surface. The work of memorizing, journaling or studying is an impossible challenge to those with cognitive processes affected by trauma. Corporate worship brings increased anxiety and loneliness to those with social anxiety and a real fear of crowds. Fasting is dangerous for those who struggle with the physiological effects of PTSD or CPTSD. Confession is dangerous as many struggle to know who can be trusted or who overshare with those not equipped to help.
I've been the person who comes to church looking for desperate help. I've worn the mask that says everything is great. I've felt the pain and removed the mask acknowledging something is wrong. I've been the preacher that says God is enough. I've been on the prayer team that tried and tried to bring healing of the pain. I've had people I know and love and those I have mentored and come to love who have mental health struggles, both diagnosed and undiagnosed, and heard their cries and despair when the church fails them. They think that's just the church and try to connect with God for the healing and still it doesn't come.
I'm not here to tell churches how to fix this, though I know they can do at least somewhat better. (They should start with trauma informed and suicide prevention courses.) I'm here saying Christianity doesn't work. It harms people's mental health. Christianity may work as a temporary balm to make you feel better and some will maintain the mask of abundant living and all the promises but most will deeply feel the guilt and shame of never quite being enough, despite the free gift of salvation that is supposed to transform and perfect you. No wonder heaven is longed for, we just can't get there on earth.
Christianity at its root teaching says we need God to heal us. The healing doesn't come from us. I see it differently. We need to heal by addressing the pain within us and finding that we have the inner resources and the ability to get the professional help we need to address the pain within us. When we turn compassion and love on our mental health and on each other we can make steps toward healing. Churches do more harm than good when it comes to mental health. When you are struggling, rather than drag yourself to church, call a wise friend to go for coffee, and book an appointment with a therapist.
Read My Faith Deconstruction Story here.
Join My Deconstruction Journey FaceBook group here if you are in the process and want a safe, private and caring place to talk about what is happening.
Interested in being coached regarding deconstruction, grief or other concerns? Let me know.
Subscribe below to receive these articles approximately every week in an email newsletter.
Comments