Today let’s talk about how you are doing. When I worked in Community Wellness and mentored students I would ask students to evaluate how they are in six areas. So let’s do it together. Try and be honest. There is not right or wrong, there is just more or less struggle. Give the answer that you think is true whether you like the answer or not.
Emotionally. On a scale of 1-5 with 1 being awful and 5 being terrific, how are you doing emotionally? Are you dealing with anger, sorrow, frustration, or other feelings that overwhelm you? Are you feeling joyful, content and at peace?
Physically. On a scale of 1-5 with 1 being awful and 5 being terrific, how are you doing physically? Consider your sleep, your eating habits, your amount of movement, your level of pain and other physical symptoms. How are getting along with your body these days?
Financially. On a scale of 1-5 with 1 being awful and 5 being terrific, how are you doing financially? Can you pay your bills each month without worry? Are increasing bills adding stress. Does your financial future look concerning? Are you able to afford extras that bring you joy? Do you have enough to share?
Relationally? On a scale of 1-5 with 1 being awful and 5 being terrific, how are you doing relationally? Consider this question with your friends, your family and acquaintances. It’s a big area, you may be doing well in one area of relationships and lousy in other areas. Try and pick a number that sums up your gut level response to how you are doing.
Academically/Professionally. On a scale of 1-5 with 1 being awful and 5 being terrific, how are you doing academically and/or professionally. Are you satisfied with your career and with the people you work with? Is your job fulfilling or giving you the money you need to do fulfilling things?
Spiritually? On a scale of 1-5 with 1 being awful and 5 being terrific, how are you doing spiritually? Do you have a good relationship with a higher power? Do you have experiences or practices that help you connect to something bigger than you are? Are you satisfied with your beliefs?
How would you rate how you are doing overall? The easy way to figure it out is to add up your answers and put them over 30. That is not necessarily the most accurate or helpful way to look at this. When I burned out from my job, I was doing ok in most of the areas but not as well emotionally. The score would have come to around 20/30, but my gut told me I was a 8/30 at the best. My worst struggle defined me, not an accumulation of all the areas. The opposite can happen as well. You may be doing really well in several areas and that good feeling can make you feel great overall even when some of the areas struggle.
Which area do you struggle with most right now? Is there something you can control in this area? Sometimes it helps to make a list of things you can control and things you can’t. Are they changes you want to make to help you be more healthy? Consider talking this through with someone. Both the process of talking out the situation and hearing someones else’s thoughts about a struggle can be really helpful. Maybe the area of biggest struggle you deal with isn’t the right one start with. You can move one of the others up, even a point, by doing something positive.
One area I have thought a lot about in the last months and years is the spiritual question. How can we judge our spiritual health if we have deconstructed from Christianity or left Christianity completely?
When I was a Christian, I would look at my spiritual disciplines and practices such as
Scripture reading, prayer, devotions, fasting, solitude, Scripture memory, journaling and study. I would attend church, Bible studies, volunteer and have spiritual discussions with friends, pastors and others. I would examine my emotions and feelings, though not place too much weight on them as sometimes God was silent. I would check to be sure there was not sin in my life that could interfere. If there were problems in my spiritual check-in I would work hard to see what I could control and try and fix it. I would live a life of praise, worship, gratitude and service. That brought me peace and I lived with that for a long time.
I have told my story on these blogs, of how and why and when I left and how my journey has led me to deconvert. I won’t get into that today. My question is, what does someone who does not ascribe to any religion or have a firm belief in a higher power do with the question of spirituality?
It is not hard to find the benefits of spirituality. It helps with depression, makes us more compassionate, grateful, generous and helps us physically. It can reduce stress and boost our immune system. It gives us somewhere to turn when things are hard. Can we have those things without religion?
Spirituality is a recognition of and a connection to something bigger than ourselves. This knowing results in a sense of purpose and meaning in life as well as a sense of peace with the bigger picture. Spirituality can help deepen our relationships with ourself and with others. It can provide us comfort in our struggles and give us hope.
So how do we find spirituality? What do we do? What could be bigger than us? I think it is that we are human, a part of the human race, a part of nature, a part of the earth and the universe. We can connect to humanity and to our earth in many ways. Different people connect in different ways. We connect to things that bring us awe and amazement. For many it is found in nature, connecting to mountains, gardening, the ocean or stormy skies. For others it may be music or art. These help us feel alive and connected. Looking into the night sky helps us see how small we are and how amazing the universe is. Some find great joy and fulfillment connecting to other people in deep conversation.
Spiritual practices may include things like meditation, yoga, journaling, being creative, dance or study. It may include looking for beauty, wisdom and compassion in the world and the people around you.
So how do we measure this in ourselves. We can ask if we are finding connections, feeling peace, doing meaningful practices and if we have purpose and meaning in our lives. We can also ask if we are struggling with dogma, beliefs or expectations.
It may be a journey after deconstructing or deconverting to find a spirituality that works of you. It may be found in a different religion, or pieces of many religions. It may take years of searching. Talk to someone if you are struggling. This area is a valid as any other one and we all need health here and in every other area.
I said I would be doing this exercise with you, so let me share my results with you.
Emotionally. I am 3.5/5 here. I am dealing honestly with my anger, sorrow, frustrations and discouragement. This area is not perfect but I love being able to know myself better, even through the hard emotions. I am learning to talk about these areas more readily and that feels good. I am mostly content and at peace and know joy.
Physically. 2/5. I have Ehlers Danlos Syndrome which affects my joints. My knee is a big problem limiting my mobility more than ever before. I am also struggling with my eyes, cataracts and dryness. However, help is in the works and for that I am grateful.
Financially. 4/5. If I was working, this would be higher, but due to physical issues that is hard. However, our bills are being paid and we have much to be grateful for. More money for extras would be nice but we are ok.
Relationally? 4/5 My relationship with my husband is very good, better than ever. I have good relationships with my parents and kids. I have a few good friends I can be real and honest with them and that is something that means a lot. I miss my church community. I have yet to find a new group of people and need to work on that. I have lots of other people in my life that I love, both old and new friends.
Academically/Professionally. 2/5. I would love to finish the course/book that I am writing and get that published. I am learning and increasing my understanding. I really miss having colleagues to work with. My art is still a joy to create. However, selling it is not going well. I am not doing well with marketing.
Spiritually? 4.5/5 I am exploring and learning so much about connection and spirituality. I am content with my place in this world and ok with the questions and uncertainties I have. I have peace and find much wisdom and beauty in this world.
Overall my numbers would be 20/30 but my gut feeling is that I more like 25/30. To be honest though, if I had done this last week I would have had several days of 12-15/30. We all have good and bad days. I find it helps to think about when and how often they come as well as what things are in my control to change.
So, how are you doing? How are you doing? Examine your emotional, physical, financial, relational, academic/professional and spiritual areas to answer this question. Are you healthy? How are you finding your spiritual life these days? Do you have a plan to improve your health?
Val Martens
March 15, 2024
Want to chat informally with me about your experiences? Email me, message me or let's go for coffee. I'd love to hear from you.
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