Today I want to look at what harm religion has done and who is hurt by religion. I can’t speak for all religions. Christianity is the one I have intimately known and been immersed in. While I have studied others, I do not know them well, therefore, I primarily speak of Christianity as a religion.
Abuse is considered the improper use of something. For sexual abuse, someone improperly forces sex and hurts someone. Physical abuse is using physical actions improperly and therefore harming a person. Improper implies there is a proper use for sex and physical actions and that is true. In the case of religious abuse, it is the improper use of religious beliefs, teachings, doctrines and relationships against another person. The implication is that there is a proper way to use religion. My question is what the results of that implication are.
Religion has been considered a protective and a pro social factor that helps individuals cope with distressing and harmful situations. (This and some of today’s content is from When Religion Hurts You by Laura E Anderson, a book worth reading!) Religion has caused harm through the ages and in our current environment. Yet holding religion accountable is near impossible. When it is seen as a positive in society, as timeless, surviving everything and as ordained outside of human origins, it is basically impossible to hold it accountable for the harms done.
Stories of religious abuse are dismissed. Humans are sinners. Christians get things wrong and sometimes hurt others. But those Christians, whether they are leaders or churches should never be confused with a perfect and sinless God. So if you’ve been hurt, it isn’t God’s fault. It isn’t Christianity’s fault. It’s just those few wrong people. God and ‘true’ Christianity always get a pass.
What is religious abuse and trauma? When we think of trauma and PTSD, we often think of an overwhelming event like rape, witnessing a murder, being involved in natural disaster or fire. But trauma is caused not only by a single event but can be caused by many small events. If that is the case, as is often true with religious abuse, it is called complex trauma. People raised from childhood in religious families find that almost every relationship, every activity and every rule and belief are touched by the religion. There is no life outside of the faith. When trauma occurs it is all encompassing.
Our response to trauma is fight, flee, fawn or freeze. Often fleeing or fighting, if tried, are found be impossible. We resort to fawning, which is attempting to appease, please or submit or we try freezing which is shown through dissociation, becoming small or silent and not participating in life. These two responses are safer. The harm has happened and the result is painful for the person.
So what could be so traumatic to cause these reactions? Here are some possibilities: Being told you are going to hell because you are a sinner. Understanding your emotions can’t be trusted. Knowing the world is full of danger and temptation. Distrusting anyone who isn’t a Christian like you. Being told you are a sinner and without God you are nothing. Being taught your bodily desires will lead you to sin unless controlled, hidden or ignored until the right marriage comes. Hearing that if you have enough faith, pray continuously, think good and pure thoughts, and trust and love, then you will have peace, healing and all the things you long for. If you don’t receive them, it is never God’s fault, so examine yourself for sin.
None of these is a big single event, but all bring fear, overwhelm, danger, instability, lack of safety and lack of trust in self and others. These take a toll on you. Your nervous system response to these brings the trauma. It can be masked for a long time, but eventually catches up to you. Impact is subjective. We don’t all respond the same. Some may become confused and anxious, others depressed, others may have extreme fears, or hyper vigilance. Some are just numb, losing the ability to feel deeply. We are each different.
Again God and religion get a free pass. It was the fault of wrong teaching or you (or me) taking things too seriously or not seriously enough. When the spiritual disciplines that are essential for living a godly life are the same ones that cause trauma, it is blamed on the participant for not doing it right.
When does God get questioned on why the promises made don’t come true? When is it ever God’s fault that we don’t get healed or find peace or joy despite our greatest efforts. When can it be said we had enough faith but God still didn’t come through. Passing it off to coming in the future life is the trick that is used. We live in a sinful world and for some reason, God can’t give it to us now, we have to wait. Is God not able? Why wouldn’t he want to help his children? Why wouldn’t he make a difference. We are just told to have more faith.
Abuse doesn’t require intentional malice or harm. My family, my pastors, my church leaders were not power hungry or cruel. They didn’t ever intend to harm myself or anyone in the church. They acted in love the best way they understood. I don’t blame them. They were indoctrinated into the faith as I was. That doesn’t mean there isn’t trauma or abuse that comes from the upbringing, teaching and beliefs that they espouse. The system of religion is wrapped in patterns of ongoing abuse which is subtle but insidious. The threat of hell, punishment and isolation for sin or leaving as well as blaming, shaming, minimizing and denying the self all are presented under the guise of religion. That religion causes harm.
Who is hurt by this? The people sitting the pews as well as those leading may be living masked lives covering depression, anxiety, not being good enough, wondering why they can’t get rid of their anxiety and fears while longing for the promises of healing, peace and joy. There are many who don’t fit in, who wonder why they can’t find belonging and community, who are always feel like no matter what they do they are on the outside looking in. Anyone longing for more from God and blaming themselves for not getting those promises is being harmed.
Is there a proper use of religion? Perhaps. I do know it brings a kind of comfort and peace to people. It can bring benefits to peoples mental health. However, the damage it causes is only beginning to be thoroughly studied. Until one really looks at the harm it causes, without giving religion or God a free pass, we need to be concerned. We can offer the people in the pews a new way to look at themselves and the world. We can reassure people they matter and that they can find and give unconditional love not depending on their beliefs, level of faith or spiritual practices. We need to show people there is a life without God that is rich and freeing and beautiful. And when we suffer, as all of humanity does, it isn’t our fault and we are not alone in suffering.
I am healing and finding a way of peace and joy as well as freedom. I am thankful to no longer be a part of a religion that brings harm. The harm I caused others as I was in it is something I deeply regret. Moving on, I will continue sharing love and compassion to myself and others. Will we succeed at holding religion accountable? We will try by speaking of the abuses and trauma and by continuing to speak to people seeking freedom and healing.
With love,
Val Martens
May 24, 2024
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