All my life I was taught suffering has a purpose. It makes us lean on God and trust him and teaches us lessons. But Christians are to be delivered from it. “Many are the afflictions of the righteous but the Lord delivers him out of them all.” Ps 34:19 ESV. (My observations: I saw many Christians never delivered and non-Christians delivered as often as are Christians.) We were taught God is with us so we can therefore endure our suffering. Why do Christians think there is suffering and evil? It is due to living in a fallen world, to our sin, and because of Satan. God has given humans free will and this is the consequence. The Christian story tries to explain the unacceptable. We suffer now but Gods grace and forgiveness will lead us to Heaven where there will be no more suffering. (Except for those who don’t accept Him, they will suffer unimaginable pain forever in hell.)
One of the main reasons people become atheist is that they can neither understand nor accept that a God who is omnipotent and omni-benevolent (all powerful and all good) could allow evil. If God exists he is either not all powerful or not all good. There is evil caused by people but there is also a natural evil, forest fires, disasters and disease to name a few. How can a perfect God allow all this. Why do his children and countless people live in pain and suffering when he could stop it? When will he stop it? Why hasn’t he yet? Imagine the people in hell asking those questions. Why doesn’t he grant them forgiveness? To me, looking at God, and the Christian answer to why leaves more questions than answers.
Today I want to look at the problem of suffering from the perspective of the exChristian.,What are my thoughts on what to do about the suffering of our friends and family, the suffering we have and the suffering in the world. If someone is struggling or grieving the Christian response is “I’ll pray for you.” What could be the response of the exChristian? I’ve been thinking a lot about that recently. What do I say and how do I help others when I will never give the pat answers of before?
I don't have the knowledge and understanding to know the why of today's wars and I can't judge all the ethics and morals of those involved, though I abhor the killing and suffering that is happening. I long for peace and wish for all to find paths forward without violence. I can learn more about what is happening and I can grieve with those who grieve, and with care, open my heart to those in pain. I can respond with compassion, financial help and if possible, with practical aid, to those affected by suffering whether in war, earthquakes, forest fires, disease or other suffering.
When the suffering comes from someone I know, my first step is to listen. When I hear the story of another person suffering I allow them into my heart. I am sharing the burden and I am caring for their soul. I can help carry their burden.
I have some phrases that I find meaningful to replace the "I'll pray for you" I once said.
“I will be thinking of you and hope for the very best outcome.”
“You matter to me and I am here for you.”
“I am so sorry, this sounds so hard.”
“I care for you and you are in my heart and thoughts.”
“May you find a deep peace and healing.”
“I am hoping with all my heart that this works out well for you.”
“I see you and hear you and I am here for you.”
“I want to hear more of your memories and love for the person you lost.”
Offering practical help speaks loudly of caring and love.
“I want to bring a meal, is it okay if I come at 5?”
“Can I pick up your kids tomorrow at noon for 4 hours?”
“I’m headed grocery shopping, can I pick you up?”
“I have a care package for you and will be there in 30 minutes with it.”
Being a friend can mean helping practically, sitting in silence, holding their hand, listening, laughing and crying together and being a safe place for them to share their heart. It is important to allow people their faith and beliefs even if they differ from mine, accepting them where they are in their journey. Our hearts can break with them and we can share their sorrow. We can join them in the slow journey out of the sorrow and suffering to a place of light and peace.
I can’t explain as a non-Christian why there is evil and suffering. I don’t need to. I need to be a person of warmth, light and caring in a sometimes dark and painful world. I need to look for beauty, purpose, peace and joy in nature and in the people I meet.
When I burned out of my job, my world was dark, I struggled with depression, purpose and regrets. I was spiralling and in pain. All I wanted was someone to come along and be my friend, hear my heart and care for me. My husband was that for me more than anyone. I am so grateful for him. This happened during covid lockdowns so there were few others that reached out to me. I came through that time with the support of my family and much self reflection and study. I wish I had had courage to ask for help from others more.
I don’t want others to go through it as alone as I often felt. How can we be there for each other in suffering. How can we let each other know we need help? Those are the questions I continue to work on. I want to be there for my friends and for strangers. To be a caring person in a cold world. I imagine if everyone cared for one or two people in a meaningful way, what a different world it would be. We don’t need a belief in a God to find that world. We just need to be a people who know how to love. We are a work in process and we can learn how! People are amazing, we can change, learn and grow. Let’s start with ourselves and see where we end up. Maybe your start is to tell someone you are suffering and need help which is a good place to begin.
Val Martens
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