I’ve been thinking about deconstructing fear and Christianity lately. I debated doing a deep study including Greek, Hebrew and verse studies but decided to keep it simple. This isn’t a paper being presented to my seminary professor, it’s some thoughts I’ve had as I’ve deconstructed. I’m sharing my thoughts to help those who may be deconstructing and to those who are curious about what the heck I’m thinking on my crazy journey!
Christian are taught to fear God. This is said to mean have deep awe, trust and submission to God. You are allowed to have awe at his power and authority but no need to be afraid if you are His chosen. But do fear God’s power for he is a consuming fire. Fear here seems to mean have fear/don’t fear/have awe. Feel free to google to get in-depth explanations of this concept. There is a multitude of verses about casting our cares on God and not worrying or being anxious and about how God delivers us from fear. But there is another side to the message. There is lots in this world and in ourselves that can mess us up. You are to fear only God and not man. So be aware, but don’t fear. I accepted this as normal for years. I tried to not fear anything, except God. Now, as I look back, I see that not calling it fear didn't mean we didn't fear what we thought would make us sin or fall away. The message Christians have is don’t fear/do fear. It was never called fear, that would have been sin, but there was certainly a sense of warning about many things. A Christian is warned about the world including temptations or lust of the flesh, friendship with or love for the world, or the wisdom of the world which is foolishness to God. One should watch out for science, culture, music, movies, psychology, other religious views, the sin in others (ie homophobia),and more. Christians are warned against their own self, the heart being deceitful, the sin of pride, the concern of anger, idolatry, ungodly motivations, or the danger of your very thoughts and a carnal mind. Then there is the warning against believing wrong, false teachers, and being led into backsliding or heresy. Even thinking differently than your denomination teaches is suspect.
Christians should be aware of Satan, a roaring lion who is seeking to destroy who also masquerades as an angel of light so watch out! Christians may fear going to hell if they don’t have assurance of salvation but be careful, don’t be so proud to think you have it all right. Christians need to be careful so they are ready to be raptured and won’t be left behind to face the end times. And can you be sure you haven’t committed the unforgivable sin or that God won’t choose you for a wager with Satan like he did with Job? The whole fear/don’t fear teachings of Christianity have led to a dissonance. It doesn’t make sense so I better not stop and think about it. Instead I will do everything I can to not fear. I put on the armour of God, I pray without ceasing, I cover all with the blood of Jesus, I have faith and trust God with it. I don’t “fear” but I sure am concerned and cautious. Every Sunday I am reminded of what to watch out for, to trust more and how God is the only one that can save me from what can take me away from God. The constant reminders keep the Christian from questioning and to just keep trusting. But what does this environment of fear/no fear do to a person. Many struggle with the fear of hell. How many Christians, especially our young, impressionable children, have a ritual of prayer repeated over and over begging for forgiveness of sin so they don’t go to hell. The threat of violence is a constant possibility. If I die unprepared I will burn forever. A hyper vigilance or OCD pattern can occur. An avoidance of the world leaves the Christian ignorant of other options and vulnerable. Fearing something doesn't mean a constant feeling of anxiety toward it, though it can, it means that when you are confronted with what you fear, your reaction is likely to be to panic, freeze or run.
No wonder many who deconstruct, including me, feel a sense of freedom and relief as they trade all that fear for curiosity and wonder at the world and themselves. How did I get here? I allowed myself to ask the questions and consider the doubts. I read and read and learned from a variety of authors, those I agreed with and those I didn’t. I still do that. I was reading John Piper and Richard Dawkins both yesterday. (With one of them I am still deciding what I agree with and don’t.) I’ve taken courses, journaled and spent lots of time in contemplation. I’ve had helpful conversations with those who agree with me and those who don’t.
Do I still fear? Yup! I am terrified of bees and wasps. I have anxiety at times but I recognize that fear is sending me a message to investigate what is happening to cause those feelings. I fear that I may hurt others. I fear that I will stop growing and learning and become complacent. But I don’t fear my future. I face that with peace and curiosity thanks to deconstructing fear and Christianity.
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