Dear Christian, how do you respond to me or someone like me?

Dear Christian, how do you respond to me or to someone like me?

Dear Christian,

Today, I’m wondering what is going on in your mind as you consider me or someone like me.  I have left Christianity. I no longer believe in the Bible as the Holy Word of God, the church as the hope of the world, or the triune God as Creator, Judge and Saviour. I am closer to an atheist, agnostic or humanist, though I hesitate to label myself.

Dear Christian, how do you respond to me or someone like me?

Do I scare you? Do I make you worry that maybe your questions, like mine, are too big to go away? Do you worry that my apostasy, heresy and backsliding might be catchy? That you too, will lose your religion, your precious faith? 

Or are you certain that you are right, feeling content in your place serving and worshiping your God? Has your faith grown and your confidence in Christianity and the church deepened? Do you, perhaps a little arrogantly, think that will never happen to me? Or do you humbly pray more, read more Scripture, talk to your pastor and work hard so it won’t happen to you? 

Do you wonder if we would have anything to talk about if we met for a visit? Can a Christian and non-Christian still be friends? Can we have a meaningful relationship where we speak into one another’s lives with love and care? Can we even get together to talk about the weather and the Oilers and the menu? Is it possible to talk about differences in beliefs without hostility? 

What does it mean to you that you still love me and pray for me? Do you wish me well in my new reality? Do you respect my decision and maybe even respect me? Or do you only want to correct me, to change me back into a good Christian woman, repentant and remorseful? Do you only want me to say the right words, believe the right things, so I go to heaven? Or do you just want me to shut up about all this, to stop spreading this apostasy? Are you still shaking your head wondering how I could have ended up here?

If you were really honest, and not scared to lose your community and your sense of hope for the future, what would you do with your doubts and questions? Would you be willing to consider if you are feeling disillusioned or confused about Christianity? Are you tired of striving to get it right and finding lasting peace but never quite making it? Would you be honest about whether the church is meeting your needs, helping you grow, making you a part of a living community? Would you ever talk to me, or someone like me about it? 

Dear Christian, how do you respond to me or someone like me? 

If you choose to stay away from me and not engage with me, I get it. I remember being a Christian. I would have avoided me too. 

Maybe, dear Christian, you’re just waiting to hear that I still respect you. You need to know I have love and compassion for you. I’m willing to listen to you. You need to know I am not trying to make you into me. I want to support your journey and encourage you to be the best you. My blogs are where I say the hard stuff I’m passionate about and you have the choice whether to read them or not. I want to always give you a choice. 

What do I want from you? Love, compassion and a willingness to listen. When we are together, I appreciate the choice whether to hear your concerns about me or your sermons. I am thankful you don't correct me as if I am a child who hasn’t thought this through. I love basic respect and acceptance even if you don’t understand my choices. When you say I’m praying for you, I’ll know you are caring for me the way you know best. 

I wish you well. 

Love from

Val Martens

June 27, 2024

I am thankful comments on my posts have so far been well said. I will just add a reminder, if you are going to comment on my post please keep it respectful and kind. I believe that though we may differ in our beliefs, we can listen to each other and talk to each other with care and compassion. We don’t know each other’s stories so respond carefully. There are times and places to call out what you see as wrong but that too can be done thoughtfully. Private messaging is a better place for harder conversations. 

Want to chat informally with me about your experiences? Email me, message me or let's go for coffee. I'd love to hear from you.

Read My Faith Deconstruction Story here. More articles are found here 

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