This week I revisited my previous blogs and I have pulled out 10 memorable and meaningful paragraphs from my writings. I want to share them with you. The blogs where they are found are linked.
On who I am now … from My Deconstruction Journey
I have discovered that even with my change in belief about God and faith, I am still the same person. I still have deep peace, it hasn’t inexplicably vanished with my Christian beliefs. I still have the gift of faith, but now I see it as an optimism and belief in love, beauty and goodness that can be found in people, nature and our world.
On how our mental health is harmed …How Christianity and the Church Harm Our Mental Health
Christianity at its root teaching says we need God to heal us. The healing doesn't come from us. I see it differently. We need to heal by addressing the pain within us and finding that we have the inner resources and the ability to get the professional help we need to address the pain within us. When we turn compassion and love on our mental health and on each other we can make steps toward healing. Churches do more harm than good when it comes to mental health. When you are struggling, rather than drag yourself to church, call a wise friend to go for coffee, and book an appointment with a therapist.
On why I deconstructed … After Deconstruction Pain and Healing
Why, if it is this hard, did I deconstruct? Good question. A main reason is that the teaching of Christianity has too many holes that blind faith had to fill. The blind faith covered up so much cognitive dissonance and confusion and when I took a step back it all fell apart like a house of cards. What the Bible is and isn’t, personal salvation, hell, abundant life and more became problems I could find no logical or even adequate Biblical solution for. The magical notion of "just believe and then it will make sense" became foggy and blew away.
On whether it is worth the struggle … Leaving Christianity
So is leaving Christianity worth it? I would say yes! The freedom of my heart, mind, and soul makes leaving Christianity worth it. I can love everyone and not fear I will be separated from them one day as they go to hell and me to heaven. I don’t fear or judge their ‘sin’ but enjoy getting to know people and hearing their stories and hearts. I feel more embodied in this earth connected to nature and all people. I’m learning more about who I am and what I have to offer and that it’s ok to fail and learn and try again.
On looking back from the outside … 12 Problems With Christianity
Christianity isn’t strictly defined as a cult. It is too large and has no living leader that is being followed. There are pockets within Christianity that do fit the definition, where there is a charismatic leader or pastor. It has been noted however, that the manipulations and methods that cults use to keep members are also used in Christianity. Listed above are many of them. Perspective is everything. When you are a believer, you see these things as safe, comfortable, and when all are doing the same and believing the same you have a community you belong in. When you look at the Christianity from the outside, these problems look like manipulation to keep you on that narrow path.
On why Christians leave … Churches Fail People
So many leave the church. Some feel like they have failed at Christianity. They feel they can’t even do that right. God and the church were supposed to heal their pain but they have only brought them more pain and added guilt and shame. For those people my heart breaks. I want them to know it isn’t them. There is something at the core of Christianity that doesn’t work. If this is you, I want you to know that you are enough. You are amazing and worth knowing. You have value and potential! You didn’t fail, Christianity and the church failed you. Churches, I would say to you that no matter how hard you try, you’ll never get it right. Christianity doesn’t work and churches fail people.
On unresolved religious trauma … How to Reconstruct After Deconversion
You and I may find that we have unresolved trauma and religious abuse that need looking at. We may find we are stuck in chronic anxiety, guilt or shame, depression, low self esteem, distrust or aversion to certain people or authority, anger and bitterness, sexual difficulties, or feel isolated. If this is happening for you, then seeking help from someone qualified to talk about religious trauma would be very beneficial. We need to move toward our trauma with curiosity, compassion and love and with the help of safe people.
On confidence … Investigating the Damage of Christianity Part 2
Christians don’t develop confidence in self. Devotion to God is the highest calling. One’s desires and requests can be seen as guilty, selfish or even absurd. Being convinced you are a sinner and guilty from birth leads one to feel you are bad and does untold harm to basic self esteem. These feelings of worthlessness are carried into adulthood. My heart hurts for those still in the faith who never feel like they measure up. The unconditional love they were promised feels very conditional. How is your self confidence?
On life without religion …. Did Man Make Religion?
If religion fills all these needs in us, how do exChristians manage without religion? Should we?
It seems that one doesn’t need all the answers. It is okay to have mystery, to not know what will happen. We can be filled with curiosity and wonder. We can deal with confusion and questions that have no answers. We can find connections with each other and with nature and the earth. We can delve deep into our own strengths and learn to know and love ourselves. We need to pay attention to our spiritual nature, our need for connection, purpose, values and morals. We can find ways to be spiritual without religion. We can work on solving the problems in our lives and our world without waiting for answered prayers and for God/gods to step in. We don’t need religion. We can thrive without it.
On moving forward … Update on My Deconversion Story
Let's keep thinking critically and carefully about what we have believed.
Let's keep thinking critically and carefully about what is going on around us.
Let's keep learning and keep growing.
Let's have compassion for ourself and for others.
Let's acknowledge our grief, loneliness, anxiety, anger and fear.
Let's remember it is okay when we are not okay and don't have it all together.
It may not be easy, but let's seek help in sorting out our thoughts.
We need each other.
Let's look for and find peace, wisdom, joy and beauty.
Let's share love freely and boldly.
Let's choose to withhold judgement.
Let's care well for ourselves, our community and our home, the earth.
Let's believe we are enough and that we matter.
Let's enjoy being the unique and amazing people that we are.
We have much to offer this world just be being who we are.
On dealing with Christian attitudes and beliefs … Asking Who I Am Without Christ
I think exChristians, myself included, struggle with knowing what Christians believe about them now that they no longer are believers. It can be hard to stomach knowing that some people think you are living a hopeless, dark, awful life with a horrendous future in hell. I feel sorrow that I used to believe this about others. I long for Christians to understand that this is not the reality exChristians find themselves living. Many of us are free, at peace, content, filled with hope and enjoying the beauty of the world. Others are still struggling with purpose, healing from abuse and trauma and finding a new place in the world. That is ok too. Some of us have a mix of both. There is a process and a grieving that needs to happen.
Thanks for looking at past thoughts with me. I hope these 10 meaningful moments from my blogs have encouraged you. May your week be filled with moments of joy, peace, learning and growing.
With love,
Val Martens
May 10, 2024
Want to chat informally with me about your experiences? Email me, message me or let's go for coffee. I'd love to hear from you.
Read My Faith Deconstruction Story here. More articles are found here
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